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    3 Fourth of July Outfits That Say “I Don’t Support Toxic Nationalism Usually, but I’m About to Get Drunk as Shit”

    By: Julia Tesmond With an All-American holiday approaching, people are putting the final touches on their barbeque invitations, and buying the last batch of illegal fireworks from the gas station that sells 4Loko to 15-year-olds. While some people are full-time gun-loving, fly-fishing patriots, many people only express their patriotism on the Fourth of July. Here […]

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    Who’s Really Controlling the White House?

    By: Julia Tesmond For months, people have speculated as to why Trump’s decision making has been erratic and nonsensical. People have blamed his incompetency, his prejudices, and his secret identity as three small children in a trench coat. However, recent Intel confirms the American people’s worst fear: Cory is still in the house. After hiding […]

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    Trump Signs Executive Order to Shut Down Club Penguin

    By: Julia Tesmond Puffle Party, My Igloo– In an unprecedented move, Donald Trump has targeted yet another social media outlet in his beginning days as President. Though Trump had once focused 110% of his presidential energy on destroying twitter and being xenophobic, earlier today he shifted his efforts to the most influential website of the […]

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    Elector Speaks Out: “What the fuck is an electoral college? What’s their acceptance rate?”

    By: Julia Tesmond Philadelphia, PA—As electors meet today to formally elect a President, tensions have boiled over in many parts of the country. Millions of Americans have pleaded with electors to cast protest votes against Donald Trump, urging the citizens to vote for Hillary Clinton or Gary Johnson or The Hamburglar instead. While many electors […]

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    INCREDIBLE: Mike Pence Starts Every Conversation with “No Homo”

    By: Julia Tesmond Gaylord, MI– Mike Pence, notorious for his anti-LGBT legislation and hateful rhetoric, has shocked and appalled Americans this week with a new stance on LGBT issues. Earlier today, Mike Pence released a statement regarding his new policy, and promised the people of the United States that he would begin every conversation with […]

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    WOW: Take a Look at Trump’s Cabinet Selections

    By: Julia Tesmond The World’s Biggest Shit Show, USA– Following the diarrhea-induced fever dream that was Donald Trump’s victory this week, Americans have been dreading Trump’s picks for the Cabinet of the United States. It has been speculated that the Cabinet selections may even be more hateful/bigoted/intolerant/shitty than Trump himself. The pseudo-President spoke to the […]