San Jose, CA – The result of Yew Nork Times’ official polls show that 57% of Americans want Florida to disappear. It comes as a shock that so many people would like to see the humid, mosquito infested, nasty, murky, and soul-sucking-weather’d state gone.
“I mean, I don’t want anyone to be hurt, I just am kinda sick of that hell of a place that we call Florida,” said Juan Ramirez. “It’s just a sweaty marsh land of crocodiles. The dick of America, really.”
Hurricane Irma has slowed down, though, and it looks like we may have to live with Florida beyond Irma. If you are one of the 43% that wants Florida to survive, here is where you can donate to help those in need: