3 Fourth of July Outfits That Say “I Don’t Support Toxic Nationalism Usually, but I’m About to Get Drunk as Shit”


By: Julia Tesmond

With an All-American holiday approaching, people are putting the final touches on their barbeque invitations, and buying the last batch of illegal fireworks from the gas station that sells 4Loko to 15-year-olds. While some people are full-time gun-loving, fly-fishing patriots, many people only express their patriotism on the Fourth of July. Here are some sun-kissed, perfect outfits that say “I Don’t Support Toxic Nationalism Usually, but I’m About to Get Drunk as Shit”.

Red, White and Blue Bikini

Nothing says “I’m really not that serious about this holiday and I think the United States might be a little imperialistic” like a red, white, and blue bikini! Feel free to throw back as many All-American Bud Lights as you can at your racist cousin’s house. Don’t worry about being roped into talks about “Tomi Lahren’s potential merit”. Your relatives will recognize your mild apathy in your Fourth of July bikini, and you can blackout in peace.

A Bernie Sanders Hat:

Confuse the masses with your idealism by wearing a Bernie Sanders hat while taking rows of fireball shots. You can discuss all the ways Bernie could’ve won but ultimately didn’t. The hosts will be pissed, but not pissed enough to ruin their own patriotic day. Cons: After ensuring that you don’t really care that much about 4th of July by wearing this hat, the Trump supporter with no neck will be out to sabotage you all night.

Cargo Shorts:

Self-explanatory. No one wants to talk to someone in cargo shorts.

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