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Who’s Really Controlling the White House?

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By: Julia Tesmond

For months, people have speculated as to why Trump’s decision making has been erratic and nonsensical. People have blamed his incompetency, his prejudices, and his secret identity as three small children in a trench coat. However, recent Intel confirms the American people’s worst fear: Cory is still in the house.
After hiding out in the White House during the transition from President Bush to President Obama, Cory has finally retaliated against the US Government. This President is one that Cory can finally exert control over, and after spending 9 years crouched under the Oval Office desk…….Cory’s…….angry.

Insider sources claim Cory was left by one Victor Baxter as he packed up his presidential kitchen utensils. After packing away his strainer and shaking President Bush’s hand, Victor Baxter left his son with the hopes that one day Cory could overpower the government. Sources also say that photos of Melania in the White House may actually just be Cory in a dress. In this tumultuous political climate, however, no one can truly be sure.

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