By: Jersey Fonseca
The Johnson family has finally decided that they should take down their Christmas lights. The Yew Nork Times reached out to the cul-de-sac to find out what was going on for the latest scoop.
“You know, I was going to take them down a day after Christmas,” Angela Johnson told us, “but procrastination got the best of me. Instead, I proceeded to watch season 3 of The Office on Netflix…Over and over again.”
“I don’t understand how she can just keep watching the same season,” said neighbor Josh Scavinski. “Literally, she doesn’t even get to enjoy the development of Jam, all she sees is the spark of it. You don’t go Red Lobster just for the biscuits.”
The Christmas lights have been up for 351 days, and the Johnson family hopes that they can do better next year.
“You know, we’re really hoping that maybe we can cut down to 350 days next year,” said Jacob Johnson. “This is costing me a fortune… I’ve had to sell my car, my house, and I’m looking into how to harvest organs.”
Jacob has decided to reach out to the black market in search of a teacher that will demonstrate the art of organ harvesting. However, he has not been able to find anything. As a last resort, he bought “How to Harvest Organs for Dummies.”
The Johnson family is going to spend the next week or so hanging up Christmas lights again.