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WOW: Take a Look at Trump’s Cabinet Selections

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By: Julia Tesmond

The World’s Biggest Shit Show, USA– Following the diarrhea-induced fever dream that was Donald Trump’s victory this week, Americans have been dreading Trump’s picks for the Cabinet of the United States. It has been speculated that the Cabinet selections may even be more hateful/bigoted/intolerant/shitty than Trump himself. The pseudo-President spoke to the Yew Nork Times today to announce his selections:

 

BRIMNES

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$89.99

“My white supremacist tendencies don’t JUST apply to marginalized groups, you guys. I also really like this white cabinet from Ikea. Really good cabinet pick 10/10”

 

Antique English George III Style Mahogany Cabinet, Blind Fret Carving circa 1875

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$3,338

“You aren’t really in the top 1% until you show off how disgustingly rich you are, right? That’s why I picked this three-thousand dollar cabinet for literally no reason. I don’t even pay that much in taxes. I’m planning to burn this cabinet as soon as it’s shipped to the White House. 2/10, only good for showing off how rich you are. Did I mention I make millions?”

 

Solid Pine 8-Gun Library Cabinet

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$649.99 + An antiquated 2nd Amendment

“THE BEST. I picked this for my loyal supporters, so they can keep their guns safe in their backwoods South Dakota homes. 11/10”






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