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Katie Ledecky: “I piss in pools; I literally don’t give a fuck”

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By: Kira Fahmy

She sets world, and Olympic, records left and right, she has won four gold medals in Rio alone, and she is a nine-time world champion. What’s the secret to her success? Urine.

Katie Ledecky has become the new face of competitive swimming, but not without long hours of training and a tireless work ethic. However, many other swimmers put in identical hours of practice and hold similar, if not greater work ethic. Even so, no other swimmer can even come close to Ledecky in the pool. This difference may be in the other swimmers’ active decision to NOT use the Olympic pools as their personal bathrooms.

“I piss in pools; I literally don’t give a fuck!” proclaimed Ledecky to an insider.  “I drink at least 100L a day of a mixture of water, chives, and Windex. It’s my own creation. I hold it until I jump off the starting block, and then allow it to flow throughout the entirety of my race.”

Experts have concluded that the combination of outward force and warmth provided by the pee create an environment that propels her forward at twice the speed of normal Olympic pool water.

“Honestly, I don’t even have to kick, and I’d still win. That’s how strong my stream is.” Ledecky boasted.

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